Dear all,

It's been a pretty satisfactory couple of days, in between dinners and coffees and meetings I have come out with very little energy. I was in bed watching cartoons for the most part yesterday... didn't really wanna get out. Warmth and safety watching good guys get the bad guys - makes more sense than most the stuff in the world...

I've felt like I've placed myself in isolation and the even more scary thing is I don't think anyone cares. The fact that I'm having issues deciding where I fit in and I've always had to grapple with these feelings of lonliness make me question would anyone really care or notice if I just disappeared for a week, a fortnight or even a month. Would people realise I was gone, most people don't seem to realise that something is wrong and people never bother to get in contact with me. So maybe I'm not as transparent as people think? Maybe I'm just severly dis-satisfied with where I am, who I am and what I am, maybe I don't know what to expect of people - much less people I'd call friends or close friends. I expect too much and I know I do, and it's not a fair expectation, but then others expect of me too, I know it doesn't make it right nor just to place these expectations of what friends are like or what they should be but shouldn't everyone have a fair idea of what they want? I'd like to think I treat my friends the way I want to be treated by them. I'm thinking my lack of mobility due to the fact I don't have my license might play a part but even if I could go out who would I go with?

I feel empty and unloved and not needed. Every friend I have has someone else, they don't need me, but I need them - making it very one sided. I talk to friends who try and understand where I'm coming from yet they don't know what to say to me because quite frankly there isn't much to say. They try and tell me I'm loved and needed yet I still feel inadequate and uncared for. Words are diffrent from action..

So as I sit in tears by my comp I wonder and I destined for a life of lonliness, am I just being picky and selfish, should I just accept the way things are and realise that things wont change? Should I wipe these tears and just forget about it, leave these underlying feelings. I'm so mixed up at the moment - I don't know what I want, I don't know what would fill this void, I don't know why I feel so unsettled.

This break sucks, inbetween being busy there is the post work let down, the feeling of nothing to do and that no one cares. Far out I've been in this crappy mood for weeks and it's not fair for the people around me but I don't know what to do, who to turn to... Too much time to think I reckon.

That's it from me..
Yours,
Puffaloonie


Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
~Evanscence - Missing~

Dear all,

Mind is wandering again, I've had an interesting few days.. I was lying in bed and thinking about the day's events and this came to mind....

'I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard'
~I will remember you - Sarah Mclachlan ~

I'm in two minds about things, are we always allowed to have feelings, or are there some that we need to supress. How would people react, and should their reactions bother me. Why am I locking into these social constraints and why do people expect so much from me. Why can't I just feel and do as I like? I'm one of those people who look at the bigger picture and I often miss the finer points, I'm one of those people who plan for the future and neglect what they feel at the present.

I want to break away, I want that sense of anonymity, I want that freedom. I don't want to be judged or have people presume and assume things about me.
Whilst my mind is free my actions are not. I am governed, I do as people expect so I don't rock the boat because the I always question is it worth it in the long run...Is it really worth making people upset over something that might not last? I feel trapped, I want to do as I would like but there is too much at stake. I'm more worried about making sure what I do pleases everyone else even if it doesn't please me.

The worst thing about all this is I don't even know what I want and part of that is because I'm not exactly able to explore those feelings because of my obligations to everyone else.

Would I be any different if you took away those expectations? I don't really know... all I know is sometimes I wish I had the courage to break away and not have to deal with the consequences of my actions, I wanna be that little kid in the play ground.

To some point I've missed a lot in my childhood because my perceptions of what is right and wrong has stopped me.

I just wanna breathe....I wanna love.... I wanna be free
But I can't...

Yours,
Puffaloonie

I've walked these streets
A virtual stage
It seemed to me
Make up on their faces
Actors took their
Places next to me

I've walked these streets
In a carnival
Of sights to see
All the cheap thrill seekers
The vendors & the dealers
They crowded around me

Have I been blind
Have I been lost
Inside myself and
My own mind
Hypnotized
Mesmerized
By what my eyes have seen?
~ Natalie Merchant - Carnival~

Dear all,

It's been a pretty good weekend, I've been out with some friends, caught up with people I hadn't spoken to in a while and just generally taken it easy. I have a pile of things I'm needing to do and whilst on 'holiday' I'm feeling rather stressed about my results and figuring out where I want to go and how my career is going to pann out.

Whilst I was going through some old stuff today I was thinking about friends and people in general and whilst I seem to have a lot of friends for some reason I feel lonely. No it's not because I don't have a man in my life ( or really have a man in my life) that I don't think is the issue. I think I'm feeling lonely because I never really fit in. I look at all my friends and they are from different groups, generally different people who like different things and do different things. They are all important and bring something out of me. But whilst I have all these 'friends' I still have this longing to feel accepted and to be a part of something, a group. I'd like to think I have a close group of friends, but even then they don't necessarily do what I like and sometimes I feel like I'm preventing them from doing what they like. At times I feel that I'm left out or people don't tell me things, I'm left in the dark. I feel that I'm singled out or purposly left behind. And whilst I'd like to think this is not the case I still feel it or have a suspicion that its true. Maybe its a lack of trust.

People always go on about the amount of people I know, the fact that I can't go anywhere without bumping into someone I know - having no sense of aninomity, which is not necessarily a bad or a good thing. There are days despite the people I know at uni where I feel alone, or I end up by myself. Why? I have no idea, and its days like this I wonder where are my friends. I mean I can go around and say hi to people have a quiet chat but I don't really socialise much with these people.

I guess what I'm tryin to say is at the moment I feel very much alone. Whilst being friends with lots of people and being close friends with lots of people I still feel that I'm being left out. When I think about it if ever I was to get into trouble I don't know who I'd turn to. Now I don't want you thinking that I don't cherish you as a friend or that I don't think you are being a friend, what I'm merely trying to say is that maybe I have too many friends but not enough close friends.I have to spread out my time and make sure I'm touching base with a whole group of different people and different friends and then I leave little time for 'closer' friends.

I don't know whats bringing this on but for the majority of this year for some bizzare reason I've just felt lonely. I'm feeling out of place, that I don't belong and that I don't have the closeness with some friends that I would like. For some reason I feel like I've been left behind, that those who I'd call close friends prehaps don't think of me in the same way. Maybe I just expect too much? I don't know....

It's hard I guess when you wanna share something and you have no one to share it with. I don't think I'm settled, I don't feel wanted or needed... to some extent I feel that if I were to disappear no one would really notice. I mean I do acknolege that I have lots of great people that care for me, but if they haven't heard from me in a couple of days do they really care? I don't have that person to touch base with every day.

Maybe I isolate myself from people? I mean I know I don't have a lot of time and there are a lot of people I want to catch up with, and I know I've become a workaholic.. I study heaps because that's what I have to do to get some decent marks, I take heaps on because it will help me further my career and I get to learn new things whilst doing them, maybe it's because I'm not making the time for my friends and not giving them the time they deserve. After all this though I feel like they don't understand.

I don't know whats going on in my mind... I guess I'm having a little low, I guess I'm feeling lonely and trying to find a reason why... I guess I'm longing for something...
I mean I might seem fine most days and when I'm out with people but I feel that I just can't let loose and be free... I have to conform..

Bah enough of my feeling sorry for myself... I should be happier...

That's it for me,
Yours
Puffaloonie

PS.. please don't read too much into all this.. I'll get over it, just need to get it outta my system

People say I'm the life of the party
Cause I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I'm blue

So take a good look at my face
You'll see my smile looks out of place
Just look closer, it's easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

Outside,  I'm masquerading
Inside, my hope is fading
Just a clown, oh yeah since you put me down
My smile is my make-up I wear since my break-up with you
~ Smokey Robinson - Tracks of My Tears~

Dear all,

It's a shame there is no one to blame for all the pain that life brings, if you will just take me it might just complete me and together we can make a stand....

Some current news has been playing on my mind for the last couple of days, its a tragedy that could have been foreseen but was definitely not expected. The two news articles are ones close to home involving young girls.

The tragedy in Collie - this news story reads - a young girl who was living away from home was tragically murdered by her two best friends in the house which she was residing. The age of the girls was 15-16. The girls had been parting together the evening before this incident and whilst one was sleeping the other two had decided to kill her. Gagging her with a cloth drenched in various chemicals the proceeded to strangle her with an electrical cable. When the girl had not gone to school and was thought to be missing the parents had searched and the two murderers themselves got involved in the search mission. The question I ask now is what was going on in these girls minds? What possesses them to do such things? And how safe are our children? Now this girl who was murdered was a bright girl, she had ambition and had left home and decided that school was the right way to go. For some reason something has gone seriously wrong. I blame society. We talk about a more tolerant and liberal country, that we should allow youth more freedom especially in regards to expression and that parents need to take a step back so that children can grow up and learn for themselves. We talk about children rights and the ability of children to make decisions for themselves. Yet for all the good this has done, I think to some extent it has also led to a demise of society. I have argued previously that there has been a demise of youth and I again argue this point. There needs to be a point where parents become more protective and are more disciplined with their children. There needs to be values instilled into our children and we need to be firm. Parents must understand their role as a provider not only of the basics to survive but to teach your child right from wrong and to instil values and morals.

 

This brings me to the second news article, perhaps the more disturbing one. Two days ago headlines around Australia told of a little 8 year old girl and the horrible tragedy that befell her. Little Sophia was fetched home from school along with her 11 year old sister and 14 year old brother, by her uncle. On the way home they made a stop at a near by shopping centre whilst there Sophia asked to go to the bathroom. It was nothing out of the ordinary. When she hadn't returned ten minuets later, her brother and father looked around frantically worried that something was wrong. Her brother entered the disabled toilets to confront a man who was running away by this stage, the uncle gave chase, and the brother found his sister dead on the floor. Young Sophia had been raped – indecently assaulted and sexually penetrated and then was strangled to death. The man accused was a 21 year old trolley boy who worked at these shops.

 

Perhaps the most frightening thing is that there was nothing anyone could do, for young Sophia it was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time that led to her death. 8 is an age where adults do not think that they have to accompany their children to the bathroom that they are old enough to go, but in the same instance they are so young and vulnerable. Parents are worried that they wrap their child in cotton wool, but the truth is that children need our protection. They need to be guided, the question then of course is when and how do we know to let go? And that is even less able to be determined, how does one decide to let their child move on, grow, explore, how do you let your child wander away from the comforts of home, how do you teach your child and let your child grow up. The world is not a safe place and much of the country is now pondering the question, have I done the right things by my children, are they safe, this could have happened to my child, am I able to let them grow up? I don't have the answer nor do I pretend to. I guess from my perspective, this was a once off and indeed very tragic yet we cannot allow this to stop us. We cannot allow this to make us so cautious that it does not allow us to grow up. We need to make sure that our children are well equipped with the knowledge to achieve, to be safe, and to be successful in life. We need to make sure that they know to lookout for themselves, teach them self defence, make sure when they are going somewhere, especially young girls that they do so in pairs, make sure that they know when things aren't right and teach them how to get out of that situation.

 

So from all this whilst highlighting two terrible tragedies I always want to pay homage to parents and the important roles that they have on their children's lives. Parents need to make sure they are taking an active role in the lives of their children, to make sure they are brought up with the right morals and ideas from a young age. Society is treading a path of young people and children with little respect for anyone or anything and it's frightening. It's not only others but themselves and their own bodied and parents are the ones who should from a young age instil certain values into their children and then more importantly set the proper example.

 

RIP girls, may justice be served and may your souls rest in peace,

In the arms of the angles fly away from here, we know you are shining down on us from heaven.

 

Sorry this is so long and very random... needed to get it out of my system and I'm not sure how coherent it is.

That's it from me,

Yours

Puffaloonie

Nothing's what it seems, I mean
It's not all dirty, but it's not all clean
There's children paying bills
There's monks buying thrills
There's pride for sale in magazines
There's pills for rent to make you clean
Marvin Gaye, there's no brother, brother
Woody Guthrie's land can't feed Mother

Mothers weep, children sleep
So much violence ends in silence
It's a shame there's no one to blame
For all the pain that life brings
If you will just take me It might just complete me
And together we can make a stand

Dear all,

Its been a pretty exciting past couple of days... events including my friends party... which I had a ball at...the world cup...

My friends party was pretty good... my pseudo BF came and entertained not only myself but my other friends.. it was plenty fun catching up with people, finding out how they've been. FInding out about the little dramas that are currently or have been unfolding and then there is always the jokes and the stories of days gone past... I suppose thats the best bit about having ol school parties.. the stories and the memories we all share.. the funny things we've done.. the good times :D. I was so glad Pseudo BF went along... was funny seeing them interact with him ... am sure he's got a total different idea about me though.. am worried he'll look at me strange now.. It just so happens that these people bring out the absolute best in me.. they crack me up.. we have good convos and a lot of fun... they are the some of the only people I can fully let my hair down with..

The world cup.. what a game.. what brilliance by the Australians. I was so proud of the boys, they played again with such class against one of the best world teams Italy. We held our ground and held it well. It was unfortnuate we didn't make full use of the 10 players the Italy team had, but when you are coming up against the best defence team in the world and the most expensive goal keeper then we might have had a few issues. We did well, fairly we had a chance and we had our chances but didn't convert, we need to be more agressive in the charge for goals, we need to be quicker in conversion of goals. Our strike team needed to work better together and create more opportunities. But in saying that it was brilliant that we did so well, we forced teh Italians into a counter strike team as opposed to the leading team. We forced them to defend and held most possesion. It was a pity it ended the way it did, a penalty which by many's opion was poorly judged by the ref in the last 5 seconds giving us no time to fight back. We dominated and didn't deserve to go down in the fashion that we did. Had we conceeded a goal earlier on during the game and then lost it wouldn't have been so devistating. But this is the way the ball falls and unfortuntately last nights game ends our run in the world cup.

Congratulations boys you have done us all proud. There are very few things that unite a country as one, that bring all Australians together that make us yell on the top of our voices that make us shout out the national anthem with such pride and gusto. Football really is the world game and this was the cup of life. Hopefully this leads football to become more popular and leads on with the revolution. Congratulations to the SBS team on such fantastic coverage and I'll make special mention of Craig Foster who is a proment face of Football, one an Australian Captain and a proud player of the team. To see someone that passionate about a game brings a tear to the eyes. In fact he was brough to tears as our brave socceroos run was finally brought to an end. To see a grown man cry on TV and to be so proud of his country and the team was moving in so many ways.

To Guus... you truely are the man. To break the curse after 32 years to fight what seemed to be an uphil battle all the way, to pull together and bring out such a fantatsic side, to draw on the strenghts of each of the players and really bring out the best in a side that needed the dedication and care that you have provided. To manage to keep the boys disciplined and to fight despite the fact that the refs never seemed to be in our favor. You really are amazing and the magician, but to many more including myself you are something so much more than that. It will be sad to see you go but I think you have made an impact on the game for all of us and for many more you have had an impact on our lives. There was such hope and joy in watching you weild carve and shape this team. My only hope is that this can continue to the future. Thank you!!!

To the boys, you did us proud. None of us would have been able to say that we would have gotten this far in the world cup let alone qualify. You have pulled together and become such a strong team, definately one e that not only commands respect but deserves respect on the world stage. Learn from what you have done and know that you gave us all hope, something to scream and cheer about, something to laugh and cry about and something to hold very dear in our hearts. You make me proud to be an Australian!! Good luck for the asia cup next year. And I hope that you guys will now choose to stay on and represent us on many more occasions. The traveling is hard we know but we hope that you make the choice to continue to play for us in times of need...

It has been a fantastic run and I think we have had the time of our lives....

that is all from me
Puffaloonie

The cup of life, this is the one.
Now is the time, don't ever stop
Push it along, gotta be strong.
Push it along, right to the top
Here we go! Ale, Ale Ale! Go, go, go! Ale, Ale Ale!
Arriba va! El mundo esta de pie. Go, Go, Gol!! Ale, Ale, Ale

La vida es, competicion. Hay que sonar, ser campeon
La copa es, la bendicion. La ganaras, Go, Go, Go!

And when you feel the heat. The world is at your feet
No one can hold you down. If you really want it
Just steal your destiny. Right from the hands of fate
Reach for the cup of life. 'Cause your name is on it
Do you really want it...(YEAH)
Do you really want it...(YEAH)

Tu y yo! Ale, Ale Ale. Go, go ,gol! Ale, Ale, Ale
Tonight's the night, we're gonna celebrate
The cup of life!!! Ale, Ale, Ale.
~Cup of life - Ricky Martin~

Dear all...

My apologies for not writing in a while, but it's been pretty full on. I will attempt to relay my past happenings in a relatively short post...

Tuesday -
Mostly went shopping with my mum - I have decided to catch up with her more these hols as I don't really get time to chat and catch up during semseter as I'm usually studying or couped up with assigns and other bits and pieces.

So I was at work ( I adjudicate School debates) and I think I may have been given my first complaint and it wasn't even about my actual ajudication but more to do with the fact that I didn't tell off the boys from the team that won as their behaviour was apparnetly horrid. The problem here is I didn't think their behaviour warranted me to tell them off, I did invite her to make an official complaint as my work tells me I should. But this wasn't the half of it. After the parents and teacher had spoken to me a disgruntled father comes up to me and asks what school I went to. After I told him he turned around and said 'do you have a bias against public schools??' ( I went to a private school) I was like I don't feel as if I was being bias and some of my best friends went to public schools. He just went off at me and I had to leave the room pretty much in tears to try and compose myself. I know I shouldn't have gotten so upset but I was so shaken. I'm not used to people being that rude or horrible to me and wasn't sure of what to do. Another parent came up and said he had no right to say that to me and I was like I know... Its always hard to deal with unhappy parents but the issue here was I was accused of being something I'm so definately not.

Wednesday, I caught up with a few other friends and had work again, different venue and it wasn't so nearly traumatic.

Thursday, more shopping and just a day to recoup went out with a  couple of mates Iggy, Spoo, Pook - the three musketeers and A-Lan (the evil cardinal) haha we had a good day.. shopped heaps tried on gowns in David Jones and Myer, bought presents hung out ate drank.. was a good day specially timezone :P was funn!! haven't been for ages but they brought out the child in me and we took those lil booth photos for the first time was sooo sooo much fun!!!!

I also stayed up and watched Aus take on Croatia...man what a game!!! WHEEE WE DREW!!! means we are now in the top 16. The thing here is that Australia had been under-rated for so long, never really given the chance to play the bigger and stronger nations and teams. Finally we are getting some recognition. Soccer really is the world game its one of the best sports all you really need is a ball and some pieces of wood to make out goals. People of any class, gender or race can play it. There are few other sports that can pretty much unite a whole country, that can get a whole country excited and envoke such pride. Austraila is now to play Italy on Monday evening and I'll be supporting them all the way. GOOO THE SOCCERRRRRRROOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, after waking late and recovering from the night before, I woke up hung around home for a bit before having to get ready to go out for one of my closest friends parties..we went to funatsico in subi - was a lovely dinner pity we didnt organise the rest of the night as well.. llama bar was pretty shocking - lots of OLD people hahaha oh well... but headed back to another friends had some quiet drinks but then I left.... and it out a bit wild after I've heard!! hahaha good work peoples.

Saturday, was preping to go to my friends farewell party.... she's going to be missed. I spent half the day cleaning then went to the shops to look for a red top. Was a red and white party, I had a white skirt and jacket but no top... I ended up going way back into my cupboard and found a top that was ok... but there are some really really ugly clothes out there.

We had dinner in this quaint little resturant which was German and swiss and a whole lot of different european type countries rolled into one. Was really quite cosy and the food was lovely. Large portions and like home made.... was a very very fun night out. Then again I always have a lot of fun with these people... they end up cracking me up to no end. There were a few running jokes one namely about me and my deportment class... was rather runny when an olive decided to skirt off my plate onto my lap... lucky for the serviette on my lap... or my skrit would have had a lovely red stain on it :S. But it was such a fantastic night... we were all very sad to see our friend leave, especially me as she is such a great person. She is my confidont, my person who I know I can call if ever I really need a chat and she will fully understand. I love her to bits and I will really really miss her. Sometimes though I wish she'd just get the courage to say what she needs to say... but maybe when she get's back she will??

went to burswood after... so many guys in suits... sigh.. wanted to know what the occassion was. We had cocktails there was sooo good and soo very tastey.. for those who know I don't really drink. I only really drink cocktails.. you can't taste the alcohol.I probably shouldn't have drunk anything as I was totally flusted and went a nice shade of pink..I eventually got home thanks to mr T... and I got changed and went up to my room... and my whole body was covered in patches of red.. I think I was allergic to something in that drink... I couldn't sleep all night was tossing and turning and haven't felt rested at all...hehee after saying all that however it was a fab night in celebration of a really great friend!!

Song for my friend
Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion--
Is nothing new
Flashback--warm nights--
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after--
If you're lost you can look--and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting
Time after time
~Cyndi Lauper - Time after Time~

Tonight I have another friend's party and my pseudo BF is coming with me, am rather grateful that he's gonna be there :D Should be a great night catching up with everyone...

It's been going out every night and everyday and I'm feeling pretty run down but am loving it!!! Next week is looking a lil insane too but I promise to keep you guys posted..

PS. sorry D I couldn't make it to your party I tried to say hi via phone but you were busy...

Look out for:
Blog special - Music review + Article on Platypussy an up and coming soccer team

Thats it from me
yours,
Puffaloonie


this party be going on til the break of dawn
let's give it up let's get it on
break open a bottle of moet and chandon and when it's gone
we'll start on the dom perignon
this vibe's makin me high
like toni surrounded by
other people movin their body
we be kicking mad flava in yah ear
big shout to the people round the side
in the front at the rear
this is gonna be one hell of a year
and there's no way that i'm letting anyone interfere
this is how we do getting it on in the venue
can you check my mircophone 1 2
can you give it up now please for the dj
giving you a party like a summer sortay okay
let's see those hands in the air
and wave them around like you just don't care come on

on friday time to party
let me see you swing and sway
let me see you swing
tell me are you down with me
are you with me
are you with me

~ Craig David - Time to party~

Dear all...

Beware long post!

Thanks for the phone calls and the support messages.. they meant a lot. I think I was just going through a rough patch.. don't be alarmed. I was always in two minds about this blog, on one hand I wanted a space where I could privately vent and be emotional on the other hand it was a tool to keep you guys in better touch with what was going on. At times I feel I have to censor what I write but then again I don't think I should because this is the point of having a blog.

The past few days have been pretty relaxing - I've been trying to catch up on some sorely missed sleep during the semester. I basically stayed in bed all day yesterday reading the Da Vinci Code. Was an interesting book and definately not one Id usually pick up and read - but after all the hype I felt I should go and give it a shot... definately enjoyable.

Today I caught up with an very old and very dear friend. Was good to see her since she has gone over seas an its only every so often that we get to see her... Things haven't changed much have they?? She's pretty much the same - maybe a little more confedent and I think she's definately grown as a person she has become more content in her own skin which is such a fabulous sign.

One thing I have learnt from her return and other chats with old and dear friends is that I've become a little workaholic.. not the best thing and prehaps the worst thing that stems from that is my isolation of friends. Yeah people think I'm popular at uni... but I don't think I am.. people have to actually like me and want to spend time with me, not just know me... And from this I think I've lost one of my best friends.... Someone who is very very special to me, she was the one person that fully kept me going all through the hard years and I've become so out of touch, admittely this is partially because I didn't thinks she cared but I think it stems from my own selfishness. I'm sorry and I really miss her. When I was thinking of the hard times and the people who understood best what I was going through she was the first person that came to mind and its so sad that it has generated to this. If you are reading this you have no idea how much I still need you and I miss you.

Just for you.. and You do know who you are
I would like to visit you for a while
Get away and out of this city
Maybe I shouldn't have called but
Someone had to be the first to break
We can go sit on your back porch
Relax
Talk about anything
It don't matter
I'll be courageous if you can pretend
That you've forgiven me

Because I don't know you anymore
I don't recognise this place
The picture frames have changed
And so has your name
We don't talk much anymore
We keep running from the pain
But what I wouldn't give to see your face again

~Savage Garden - I don't know you anymore~

On my final note and I warned you this was long... but I'll make this as brief as possible... COME ON ROOS!!! Aussie all the way to glory!!! The world cup is live and kicking and although yesterday's match didnt go the way I planned or way it should have gone - Boys you did us proud!! I'm so proud to back such a classy team that played so well against the present world champions, you lifted and you played so well... Congrats on what you have achieved and bring on Croatia!!!

That's it from me.. again sorry so long
Yours,
Puffaloonie

Sunny came home to her favorite room
Sunny sat down in the kitchen
She opened a book and a box of tools
Sunny came home with a mission

She says days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Light the sky and hold on tight
The world is burning down
She's out there on her own and she's alright
Sunny came home
~Shawn Colvin - Sunny Came Home~

Dear all
There are times in life when you think everything is going well as per the previous post only to have it all come crashing down, realising that maybe your happiness was only to be short lived. You forget at times the other worries you have in life and the possible heartache and pain that others go through or you might be going to go through in the next five minuites. I don't really wanna talk about it but from when I posted that last post till now things have changed and not for the better... I want to talk to someone about it only I don't think anyone would understand or care. You ask me what about my close friends? but even then they wouldn't understand whats going on... each of our lives are so different, we all expect different things and do different things and for me no one ever seems to know why I do things the way I do or why I react a certain way.

Stuff just keeps happening where the same things are brought up and the cycle continues and you just go around and around getting more angry and more frustrated - the worst thing is you physically cannot do anything about it.

I'm having a sulk and a rant and I don't want you asking me whats wrong or saying that you will understand because you wont.

yours,
Puffaloonie

Sarah Mclachlan's Full of grace aptly describes how I fee.. pulled down by the undertow...

The winter here’s cold, and bitter
It’s chilled us to the bone
We haven’t seen the sun for weeks
To long too far from home
I feel just like I’m sinking
And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
Full of grace
My love
So it’s better this way, I said
Having seen this place before
Where everything we said and did
Hurts us all the more
Its just that we stayed, too long
In the same old sickly skin
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength
And all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace

Dear all,

After yesterday and my horrid exam (yes it was very very very bad - I might actually fail something :S might be a first but it could actually fail - not looking forward to getting that mark back - prehaps the worst thing about it all is the amount of work I actually did place on studying for that unit. I worked so hard and yet there are no results to show how hard I've actually worked. I went to all the lectures, did all the reading and tute work and I still cant do it. Maybe Finance isn't for me ?? which makes me wonder what do I do considering I'm majoring in it:S) Anyways as I was saying after yesterday I was in serious need of retail therapy. So I went shopping today for the whole day. From 9 onwards  I was at the shops. Got some makeup, a dress and a top... Whoever says shopping doesn't make you feel better lies!!. There was this really pretty dress in Myer an I'm very tempted to go back and buy it - they didn't have my size so I'll try the city and well if they don't have it then, then I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

So whilst we were at the shops mum and I decided to go have a look at woolies...it was around 4 ish so shops were going to close pretty soon, it was funny to see all the people waiting around to get the baked goods for a cheaper price, they just waited and waited and waited... vultures.. mind you if its that late and the shops will be closed tomorrow and well they are there then why pay full price right?? Anyways who has heard of broccoflower?? Its the crossbreed between broccoli and cauliflowers - like a green cauliflower... anyways I wasn't sure if what we had picked up was the right thing - mum and me decided we wanted to try it out - so she made me walk around to try and find one of the shop assistants and ask them if it was a broccoflower - the dude I asked was so amused at me asking - we both ended up cracking up and he I think got a little embarrased. Anwyays so we though right two brocoflowers and then we walked past a funky looking one. Instead of looking like a normal cauliflower only green this one had peaks - (I'll take pics and post them up) but I was like look its a malfunctioned malformed brocoflower, and this lady proceeded to give me a weird look. Mum asked me to go ask someone to find out if its supposed to have the lil peaks and if it really is malfunctioned and i called out 'I'm sick of asking people about these weird veggies people are giving me weird looks'. My mum just smiled and walked away and this lady gave me the weirdest look after looking at this spiky green cauliflower in my hand. SO anyways I asked the same guy and by this time I had totally lost it. Couldn't sting a sentence together without craking myself up laughing and he was like err I dont know go ask Gary. Which was lucky because, Gary came straight up to us and was like yeah its  a different variety, not malfunctioned or anything....

That was my amusement for the day... made what would have been a rather unsuccessful day at the shops into something super funny plus my mind was off the horrid exam...

So I get home and after helping prep for dinner I decide to have half a glass of wine... BIG MISTAKE.. after the wine I was fully fluster into a bright shade of pink (damned thos asian genes that mean I dont have the enzyme to break down alcohol properly) and after about 15 mins I was passed out on the couch sleeping... So I kinda missed dinner :(....

That's my day for you all... not super eventful but not bad either, I guess thats it from me :P

Yours
Puffaloonie

PS.. for those of you who know my actual name... I'd prefer if we didn't use it on the website :P cheers

When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind
Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day ...
lovely day, lovely day, lovely day ...
... lovely day, lovely day, lovely day ...
When the day that lies ahead of me
Seems impossible to face
When someone else instead of me
Always seems to know the way

~Al Green - Lovely day~

Dear all,

AM STRESSED LIKE THERE IS NO TOMORROW - have officially decided if life as a Law/Comm student doesn't work out I'm becomig a music DJ

Man I love music but I haven't got any playing right now + my knowlege of music trivia and facts is pretty good I'd have to say .. I LOVE IT!!

SIGH wish me luck for tomorrow - am really really gonna need it. Seems a whole day's worth of study isn;t really gonna help....

BAH!!!
Puffaloonie :S

--This is a request, Mr. Radio Man
Just one desire from a Hip-hop fan
Hey, DJ!
--You on the line, girl
--Hey, DJ!
--The request line, girl
--Play a record by my favorite band
--I like to hear my favorite song on the radio

~ Macy Gray ft Black Eye Peas - Hey DJ~